I Woke this morning; next to my partner, as i normally do. Without wanting to risk breathing on her sleepy little face with death breath that could have a similar molecular structure to napalm, so I was careful not to aim this chemical atrocity towards her. Instead to signal me being awake and to check if she was in the same conscious state i pressed my head into her shoulders and made a contented but sleepy noise. she responded with a mega fart, and proceeded to trap me in a dutch oven* a thing i was near powerless to resist in my zombiefied state. it was a strong wind, the effects of which seemed to last an age, choking and squeezing the breath from my lungs, before finally she released me from my material gas chamber.
shes making me toast and Nutella in bed now, Dave Prevails! aside from the rancid farts, the perks of having and attractive young woman about the house are just the bomb. Like thing morning, new underwear modelling. twenty minutes of just her prancing around in next to nothing. MMM dat ass, ahh life is good. today has started well.